A Vocation I Did Not Choose

I never planned on becoming a minister. In fact, if you had told me when I entered seminary that I would be employed full time at a church when I graduated, I would have laughed in your face. Four years ago, when I entered seminary (which, at the time, I would only refer to as "graduate school"), I was on the fast track to earn my M.A., do the whole PhD thing, then teach theology in a university somewhere. Academic teaching was "safe" for a Christian woman, and I felt that since few enough women are teaching theology, in becoming a professor I would still be a bit "on the edge," expanding the boundaries for future generations of women and men, bringing an underrepresented voice to theological discourse.

I had never had a female professor for a theology or biblical studies class. I had certainly never attended a church where a woman was any sort of pastor... other than a children's pastor, of course (another "safe" vocation for a Christian woman). I had never in my wildest dreams wanted or even imagined entering into ministry myself - it had simply never been presented as an option for me.

My second year in seminary, I was sitting in one of my classes, minding my own business, when all of a sudden I sensed this... voice? Call? Leading from the Holy Spirit? I don't even know what to call it. All I know is that from out of the blue, I had a sense that God was calling me into some sort of pastoral ministry. I did NOT want to be a pastor of any size, shape, or variety. I told God flat out that if he wanted me to enter that type of ministry, he would have to make me want it.

Well, he did. It took a lot of time, a lot of personal growth, and more pain than I like to think about. But gradually, yet suddenly, I find that I am a minister. I am a pastor. I long to help other people become wholehearted, whole-bodied disciples of the Lord. I love to walk alongside people when they are struggling, to help them bear their burdens, to rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep. I hear the Lord reminding me, "Feed my sheep... and do not forget about those sheep who are wandering outside of my fold."

I didn't choose this life -- but I love it. I was built for this vocation, and God knew that, even when I didn't. As I enter into ministry, I sense His pleasure... and that is where my confidence lies.

Like many women, I still don't quite understand how I ended up in ministry... but I'm grateful.